Mixed feelings, Confusing thoughts!!!!!!
As i told u in my first post.. today is my BREAK day !!Am too busy to be busy,, my mind is busy with my husband (7amoodi) leaving.. and they say if u think of two things at the same time, then u r a lier! .. and i am faaaaar away from being a lier ;)
He just called me : am leaving in 15 minutes..will switch off my phone..
Somehow that line scared me! for a second i felt as if this is the last time am talking to him.. am even scared to write this.. but i think am just being so dramatic and deep down my mind and heart thinking of all the bad things that might happen!
Donno why i keep always feeling scared! always scared something bad will happen to my husband! Why not thinking about myself?! my son? my mum, dad, sis, freinds, rest of family.. why always my husband?!
Is it coz really sth - god forbids- will happen and am feeling it now?, or is it coz i love him the most????!!!!!
i realy dont know! but then same mind tells me that: it is coz maybe at the moment he is the one who shows u in every way in his way that he loves u the most! maybe u feel most loved by him.. maybe he makes u most happy.. and thats why u r more scared about him than anyone else!
To that, i again ask my mind: what about my son then? If i dont love my mama, papa more or same as my husband! what about my son? i also dont love him more or same as my husband? do i really love my husband more than anyone?
Again my mind answers me: U get irritated most from ur husband too .. on small things sometimes u get irritated n u show it..but with ur parents u try as much as u can to control urself,, same thing with ur son; u get so tired but u manage somehow.. but with 7amoodi u dont think twice! so what can you say about that...?
Me says: am confused! but one thing for sure,, i need to get back on track , need to always get back to god ,, pray to him as i used to.. for sure all these bad feelings are coz my prayers are not as good as they used to be ,, i mean du3aa and not actual saying of prayers,,
i didnt read quran for so long! thats for sure another reason for why bad feelings and scary thoughts surrounding me ..
Although i just started blogging, somehow both my first and 2nd posts made me feel beta and realise what i want and need to do ..
Now, going to pray ... :)
He just called me : am leaving in 15 minutes..will switch off my phone..
Somehow that line scared me! for a second i felt as if this is the last time am talking to him.. am even scared to write this.. but i think am just being so dramatic and deep down my mind and heart thinking of all the bad things that might happen!
Donno why i keep always feeling scared! always scared something bad will happen to my husband! Why not thinking about myself?! my son? my mum, dad, sis, freinds, rest of family.. why always my husband?!
Is it coz really sth - god forbids- will happen and am feeling it now?, or is it coz i love him the most????!!!!!
i realy dont know! but then same mind tells me that: it is coz maybe at the moment he is the one who shows u in every way in his way that he loves u the most! maybe u feel most loved by him.. maybe he makes u most happy.. and thats why u r more scared about him than anyone else!
To that, i again ask my mind: what about my son then? If i dont love my mama, papa more or same as my husband! what about my son? i also dont love him more or same as my husband? do i really love my husband more than anyone?
Again my mind answers me: U get irritated most from ur husband too .. on small things sometimes u get irritated n u show it..but with ur parents u try as much as u can to control urself,, same thing with ur son; u get so tired but u manage somehow.. but with 7amoodi u dont think twice! so what can you say about that...?
Me says: am confused! but one thing for sure,, i need to get back on track , need to always get back to god ,, pray to him as i used to.. for sure all these bad feelings are coz my prayers are not as good as they used to be ,, i mean du3aa and not actual saying of prayers,,
i didnt read quran for so long! thats for sure another reason for why bad feelings and scary thoughts surrounding me ..
Although i just started blogging, somehow both my first and 2nd posts made me feel beta and realise what i want and need to do ..
Now, going to pray ... :)
posted by FerreroRoche at
1:43 AM
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